With mid-year appraisal time coming up a lot of people may be feeling anxious. Perhaps excited, perhaps worried or perhaps none of those things. We all want to be thought of well and no one looks forward to criticism, right? All being well we are appraised on how competent we are at our jobs and not on other aspects of ourselves.
With that being said I’ve been considering judgement. Mostly trying to practice non-judgement. As RUN DMC said it’s tricky…
But I digress. The hardest part is perhaps the judgement that we place on ourselves. So I don’t mean we should not try and assess how things are going, how they went or how they could be improved. More that we might be choosing to attach emotional condemnation on ourselves or on others when it may not be helpful. Notice the words that you use when you see other people. How much emotion is attached? How much have you decided what they were thinking and their intentions? Then maybe ask how much do you actually know what is going on? What would I do in their situation? A friend of mine said that he found one of the wisest things he’d read was in an Italian chocolate wrapper. It said “people need your love when they deserve it the least”. I like that. Also, chocolate will show us the way.
Maybe not judging ourselves too harshly is the harder task. What about the words we use towards ourselves when we forget our keys just as we shut the front door, when we are not as good as we would like to be at reverse parking, when we weren’t planning on eating any fast food and then we ate ALL of the fried chicken? What words do you use when you are alone with yourself? What words do you use when you tell other people about the chicken? Oh the delicious gravy…
There’s always ways you can improve and things you can do better. But that does not mean that you are better or worse than anyone else or that anyone else is better than you. Maybe just say that to yourself. Instead of saying “I am rubbish at reverse parking” and attaching any feeling of failure to that perhaps think “I’m going to get better at reverse parking” and then make a point of doing that. In the meantime maybe laugh at the situation and if you never improve that much is it really that important? I don’t know.
It also may be tempting at mid-year to begin comparing yourself to other people and, as someone much smarter than me once said “comparison is the if of joy”. You are not someone else. You are you and you are enough. If someone is doing “better” than you then maybe good for them, maybe that’s something you could aspire to and maybe “better” is not the right word any way. Maybe think of them as being in a different place than you are or where you want to be instead.
In terms of comparison maybe you could try to compare yourself today to who you were yesterday. You may find that you have improved in many ways but incrementally. Incrementally being the key thing- slow and steady wins the race. And if you would like to be in a different position then perhaps set that as a goal and then take incremental steps forwards towards said goal. That is how an infant learns and before you know it they go from not being able to lift their own head to doing flips on a trampoline.
When it comes to your appraisal if you feel you deserve a pat on the back or recognition for certain accomplishments or obstacles that you feel have been face and overcome then you do not need to wait for someone to recognise you. You could recognise yourself. Give yourself some care and attention. Try and be honest too. Feedback is good. A good friend should tell you when you have dirt on your face. It may not be nice to hear but it could help you grow for the better.
